More Than a Mom: Tochi Opara on Building Supportive Spaces for Women to Thrive

In a world where motherhood often carries silent burdens and relentless expectations, Tochi Opara is redefining what it means for moms to thrive. A devoted wife, mother of three, and public servant by day, Tochi is also the heart behind Talking Mom Stress, The Momstress Symposium, and Moms’ Dayout—platforms built to uplift, support, and empower mothers through every twist and turn of their journey.

Rooted in empathy and shaped by personal experience, Tochi’s mission is clear: to help moms prioritize their well-being, find joy in the everyday, and embrace the power of community. In this honest and inspiring conversation, she opens up about the loss that changed her perspective, the calling that fuels her work, and the practical ways she balances purpose with presence. Her story is a timely reminder that motherhood isn’t about doing it all—it’s about doing it with love, intention, and the support you deserve.

Let’s Begin With You-Who is Tochi beyond the amazing work you do? What Dreams And Passion Have Shaped Your Path?

Tochi loves the simple things of life, even though I have diverse interests. I am married to an amazing and supportive man, and we have three kids. By day, I’m a public servant monitoring the movement of non-Nigerians across our nation’s borders, while also advocating for moms’ well-being through my community, Talkingmomstress. By night, I’m a movie buff, voiceover artist, and planning the next fun trip for moms. I’m also stepping into the world of hosting kiddies’ events!

I’m driven by a love for community building and empowering other moms to find fulfillment in their motherhood journey. I am passionate about creating supportive networks, sharing resources, and fostering meaningful connections among mothers—helping moms build confidence, prioritize self-care, and celebrate their unique experiences. Ultimately, I aim to empower them to thrive in their roles and find joy in motherhood.

What inspired you to create a space for mothers? Was There a Defining Moment That Made You Realize You Were Called to Do More In This Area?

I’ve always had a soft spot for mothers and the elderly. Growing up with my grandma, who was blind but fiercely independent, instilled in me a deep appreciation for strong women. It was a source of inspiration for me as well. Women are powerful, but even the strongest of us need support from time to time and a space to unburden.

During COVID, friends and colleagues reached out for advice on managing stress and finding balance while parenting at home. I shared tips on creating schedules that balance parenting and personal time, and mindfulness practices that helped them cope with the challenges of parenting at home. One friend told me that my advice helped her establish a morning routine that gave her a sense of calm and control. Another colleague shared that my suggestions on prioritizing self-care helped her manage stress and focus on her needs. These made me feel good. I was filled with gratitude and positivity and decided to take it to a bigger stage.

This experience, combined with my personal loss and journey as a mom, fueled my passion to create a supportive community for mothers. As a mom myself, I’ve learned that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. I’ve navigated similar challenges, and I’m always open to supporting anyone I can. My vision is to create a community where moms can share their experiences, find support, and grow together.  I believe moms deserve a safe space to share, connect, and find resources to thrive.

You Have Shared How Stress Played a Role In Your Mother’s Passing. How did That Painful Experience Turn Into a Powerful Mission For You?�

Losing my mother to a heart attack was an eye-opener for me. She was extremely stressed from work. Truly, there is no reward for the most hardworking mom—only burnout, stress, and more work. And if you continue to give more of yourself, pouring from an empty cup, then you already know the inevitable will occur.

Unfortunately, she didn’t live long enough to enjoy the fruits of her labor. It hit me that life is short and the quality of our lives matters. In my grief as a young girl, I made a promise to myself to do things differently.

Now, I prioritize my own well-being and help other moms do the same. I’m on a mission to support mothers in finding balance in their season, building community, setting necessary boundaries, and enjoying their mom lives too. You are not just living for family—and you don’t need to drown in all the work you do either!

Many Moms Feel Like They Have To Choose Between Their Dreams And Being Present. How Have You Been Able to Pursue your calling while being present for your family?

As a mom, I’ve learned to focus on what truly matters in each season of my journey. I set healthy boundaries, seek support, and involve my family in my work. I cannot do it alone. I believe in outsourcing and rescheduling when possible to prioritize quality time with my loved ones and nurture my own needs. You know, a happy mom creates a happy home. By doing so, I’m modeling the importance of self-care and pursuing one’s passions without compromising on the important things.

What does “being the best version of yourself stress-free” mean to you especially as a mom with a mission?

For me, being the best version of myself means achieving my goals while embracing growth and self-improvement. I prioritize self-care, set realistic expectations, and intentionally find joy in my journey. By living mindfully and authentically, I also focus on progress, not perfection. Through continuous learning, I’m becoming a better, more aware, less stressed, and fulfilled version of myself.

What Are Some Everyday Habits or Mindset Shifts That Help You Stay Grounded And Purposeful?

I always say, “Do one thing for yourself daily.” I never go a day without doing something special for myself because I deserve it, and it’s not just a privilege. When I say “something special,” it’s basically something good that makes me feel happy—not necessarily big things. It could be adding one extra chicken for me, making something I’m craving, watching a new movie, or just going to sit out somewhere—depending on how I’m feeling, the convenience, or what I need at that time. One way I achieve this is to schedule it as one of my top 3 daily priorities. With my kids older, it’s a little easier to carve out alone time now, which helps me stay grounded and focused. Having it as a routine has been instrumental in maintaining this habit.

On mindset shifts, I often remind myself that motherhood is a journey with its ups and downs, and every day is unique and a fresh start to do better. I often try to look at the brighter side of things. It is also a higher calling that I am blessed with—not to overwhelm me but to elevate me and open layers of me I didn’t even know existed or I was capable of.

Finally, practicing gratitude and knowing that God gave me these kids and a family of my own—and trusting in His plan for me—strengthens me and gives me confidence in my abilities as a mother.

What Have You Discovered About Yourself through motherhood and Through Building Your community?

Motherhood no be beans oh. It will stretch and stress you to your wit’s end!

Motherhood has taught me patience, empathy, resilience, selflessness, and the drive to adapt. Raising curious kids in a changing world can be challenging, but I focus on responding wisely and encouraging them to think for themselves too. As a millennial mum with Gen A kids, the battle isn’t for the weak. Building my community has shown me the power of connection and the impact we can have when we support one another. It’s a beautiful thing to know that we are different, yet our experiences are quite similar—and you have someone you can quickly reach out to when you need a shoulder to lean on.

Were There Moments You Doubted Yourself or Felt Like Giving Up? What Helped You Keep Going?

Yes, there have been lots of moments of doubt. It’s inevitable. I wasn’t born a mom, and I’m not perfect! Heck, motherhood is a forever school of learning, unlearning, and relearning. Through the chaos, I find myself asking if what I’m doing is right, if I’m making the best decisions. But I take courage seeing my kids grow, thrive, and blossom. And then I tap myself on the back and say, “You’re doing well!”

Another thing that helps me and keeps me going is revalidating my purpose, seeking support from loved ones, and celebrating my wins—no matter how little.

What Does Support Look Like In Your Life-And How Can Moms Who Feel Alone Begin to Find or Build That Support?

I wouldn’t be able to do all I do if I didn’t have a good support system. My partner does a lot—same goes for my immediate family—but it’s much more than that. So, for me, support looks like having a valuable network of people who show up for you and whom you can rely on in times of need. It could include loved ones, fellow moms, your kids’ school, friends, colleagues, old school mates, your place of worship, medical/health professionals, and online communities who offer emotional support, practical help, and valuable advice.

To build support, moms who feel alone can start by joining online communities or social media pages for mothers, reaching out to friends, family, or neighbors who may be going through similar experiences. They can also join support groups that align with their values or address their struggles and actively participate in their programs/events.

They can also build their own support systems by starting a (neighborhood) support group—online or offline—and connecting with other moms. Volunteering at events that cater to mothers can help, and seeking professional help like therapy or counseling when needed. You need to be a good support as well to be able to build one yourself. So, groom your friendships and don’t be an islander.

What Would You Say to moms Who Feel called to do more but is Overwhelmed or Unsure Where to Start?

You’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed, and your feelings are valid. You might feel overwhelmed because you’re trying to see the end from the beginning or looking at how tasking the process is. However, clarity comes in the doing—so start small. Day one is better than one day.

Ask yourself, “What’s one thing I can (easily) do today to get started?”

If you don’t know where to start, try focusing on your passions and interests. Then break them down into little manageable tasks and schedule time for them. Also, connect with others who share similar goals or experiences to keep you accountable and motivated. Remember to celebrate every win, no matter how small. Progress may be slow, but it’s worth it. You’ve got this—you’re tougher than you think, and you can navigate challenges. Just take that first step, and trust the journey will unfold.

Tochi’s mission to empower and support mothers is rooted in empathy, lived experience, and a deep passion for community. Through her platforms and personal story, she reminds us that while motherhood is not without its challenges, it is also a journey of discovery, strength, and purpose. By choosing to care for herself and model this for others, Tochi continues to lead with love, inspire change, and make space for moms to thrive—not just survive.

To support Tochi and be a part of her mission to help mothers thrive: Follow her on Instagram at @talkingmomstress, @momz_dayout, and stay updated on The Momstress Symposium via @tms.symposium. Planning for this year’s symposium is underway, and she’s open to collaborations and all forms of support.