Tinuke’s Journey- Motherhood, Mum Confession, And The Road To Becoming A Therapist

In a world where the pressure of motherhood and the pursuit of personal fulfilment often collide, Tinuke stands as a beacon of resilience and empowerment. A devoted mother of two, a compassionate therapist, and the visionary founder of MUM CONFESSIONS, Tinuke’s journey is one of profound transformation. From the depths of miscarriages and postpartum depression to the heights of professional success and community impact, Tinuke’s story is a testament to the power of perseverance, passion, and purpose. So, we meet up with our ‘Mom Doing It Afraid’ for the month, Atinuke Atilade to have a conversation on motherhood, balancing work and family life, finding purpose and fulfilment, and still finding time to impact women in her community and beyond.

The Mom Conversation: Tell us a bit about yourself and what inspired you to become a therapist while managing your roles as a mother and community founder of Mum Confessions?

Tinuke: Hiii. My name is Tinuke, I’m a mum of 2, and I’m a mental health therapist. I have a first degree in Biochemistry, and a master’s in management in health and social care. I have always been interested in the helping profession. However, my journey to motherhood is the reason why I’m a therapist today. I’ve had 3 miscarriages and suffered with postpartum depression. My experience after the first miscarriage, not feeling understood, and then now going on to experience PPD really left me feeling alone. And that’s why I started mum confessions. I needed a space to say everything I was feeling without being told that I needed to be grateful or that I was being negative. I just needed to unburden and actually started mum confessions anonymously for this reason.

Along the line though, the community grew, and I realized many women still needed professional support beyond the peer support we offered, and that’s how my journey to becoming a therapist started.

As a mother, entrepreneur, and now therapist, how do you balance your various roles and responsibilities, and what strategies have you found most effective in maintaining harmony in your life?

As a mum, balancing multiple roles and responsibilities is undoubtedly a juggling act. Over time, however, I think I’ve found what works for me.

First and foremost, I’ve learnt to delegate tasks. It’s something I struggled with, and still do sometimes. However, since it clicked that time is a finite resource, and that no matter what I did, I still get the same 24 hours a day, I started prioritizing more and then delegating what can be done by others. Back then, I would work till late into the night because I was doing everything myself. I felt that no one could do it like me. Then I wasn’t sleeping enough, which made me cranky and annoying at the end of the day. lol. I’ve gotten better at communicating my needs and it’s working out well.

Another thing I practice is time blocking, where I allocate specific blocks of time for different activities. This helps me maintain focus and prevent tasks from bleeding into each other. I used to think multitasking was a flex, but as I’ve grown older, it just doesn’t work for me anymore. I realize it makes one more prone to errors. So, I try to be realistic about what I can accomplish in a day and prioritize accordingly. The goal now is progress, not perfection. I also try to utilize technology as much as possible. For example, using scheduling apps for social media, calendars to save important plans etc.

Having routines at home has been very beneficial to us too. Not only does it give the kids stability, but it also helps me balance both fronts without feeling overwhelmed. I’m better able to set boundaries between my work life and family life. Having a supportive partner has been very helpful on this journey. Being flexible, setting boundaries and practicing self-care are other things that help me.

Finally, I have learnt that we can have it all, but not at the same time. Life is in phases, and I’ve learnt to embrace this by focusing on what’s most important in the moment. For example, writing is something I enjoyed doing for the longest time, but I’ve had to walk away from that to focus on my evolving priorities and long-term goals.

Recognizing my limitations, knowing where to invest my time and energy and not overextending myself has been crucial in maintaining balance.

What challenges did you face along your journey to becoming a therapist, and how did you overcome them?

The major challenge was my mind. Transitioning to a new career path in my 30s brought about feelings of uncertainty about my qualifications and capabilities. I questioned whether I was truly prepared to take on the responsibilities of being a therapist and whether I had the necessary skills and expertise. There was self-doubt and imposter syndrome.

To overcome this challenge, I reminded myself of my passion for helping others and my innate desire to make a positive impact in people’s lives. Then I actively worked on building my confidence by focusing on my strengths and achievements, and by acknowledging that it’s okay to embark on a new path and grow along the way.

Another challenge I encountered was managing the demands of studying while balancing family commitments and other responsibilities. For this, I developed a structured plan that allowed me to allocate time effectively to my studies while still being present for my family. I communicated openly with my family about my goals and commitments, and we worked together to find ways to support each other through this transition. I also learned to be flexible.

Many women struggle with pursuing their dreams while managing family obligations. What advice would you give to mothers who aspire to pursue higher education or career changes later in life?

I’ll say, Just do it!

As a fellow woman and mum, I understand how overwhelming it is to balance family obligations with personal aspirations, and the fear of the unknown can be daunting. However, from my experience and interactions with other women in the community, I believe that it’s essential for women to prioritize their dreams and goals, even in the face of these challenges.

Acknowledge your fears and doubts, but don’t allow them to hold you back. It’s natural to feel apprehensive but please know that the perfect time may never come. Waiting for the ideal circumstances could mean delaying or even forfeiting opportunities altogether. Remember that pursuing your dreams not only benefits you but also sets a powerful example for your children.

At the same time, please be realistic about the challenges ahead and plan accordingly. Get support from your family and friends. Explore flexible educational or career options that can accommodate your family responsibilities. Prioritize self-care and find ways to manage stress and maintain balance amidst the demands of both family and personal pursuits.

Just take the first step, trust God and everything else will fall into place.

What motivates you to continue pushing forward, especially during challenging times, and how do you stay focused on your goals?

Remembering why I started really motivates me and keeps me going. I am driven by a deep sense of purpose and passion and committed to making a meaningful difference in the lives of others. Rather than letting challenges deter me, I see them as opportunities for growth. Then having a vision board helps me stay focused on my goals, having a clear vision of what I want to achieve. This keeps me going.

Can you share a particularly inspiring moment or achievement from your journey that has fuelled your passion for empowering women and mothers?

One particularly inspiring moment from my journey that has fuelled my passion for empowering women and mothers occurred when I witnessed the transformation of a mum who reached out. She was a toddler mum, married to a narcissistic man. He used to lock her up when going to work and locked the kitchen too. They could only eat in the evenings when he returned, and he would measure everything she cooked. He cut her off from friends and family, but they went to church together on Sundays. Thankfully, she had a phone given to her by someone in church and he didn’t know about it. One Sunday out of frustration, she reported to their pastor. When they got home, he burnt all her clothes saying he’d see how will report him when she had nothing to wear.

She felt overwhelmed, drained, and unsure of how to move forward. So, she sent in a message, and we arranged to talk when he went to work. I shared her story, had 2 mums in her location check in to confirm her story, and then with the support of the community, she was able to move away from him. We were also able to raise some money for her to begin her new life.

She started by frying puff-puff and then moved to selling fabrics when she noticed they didn’t have enough vendors for this at her new location. It’s been 2 years and she’s now a successful fabric merchant, while her daughter attends school. She is so confident now. Witnessing her journey from a place of helplessness and uncertainty to one of empowerment was incredibly moving and deeply resonated with me.

Seeing firsthand the positive impact that empowerment can have on a woman’s life reaffirmed my belief in the importance of supporting and uplifting women and mothers.

What role has your community played in supporting your personal and professional growth, and how do you aim to give back to other women through your experiences?

The mum confessions community has been instrumental in supporting my personal and professional growth in numerous ways. The stories I’ve heard and the connections I’ve made within the community have provided invaluable insights and inspiration that have shaped my journey.

Having a supportive community has kept me accountable and motivated me to continue pushing forward, even during challenging times. As a result, I’m deeply committed to giving back. I recently launched a free 15-minute counselling session for anyone who wishes to speak to someone, recognizing the importance of mental health support, especially during challenging times. This initiative aims to provide a safe space for individuals to seek guidance and support, regardless of their circumstances.

I also plan to start some form of capacity-building/ mentorship for women soon. These sessions will focus on empowering women with the skills, knowledge, and resources they need to thrive personally and professionally. My goal is to create opportunities for women to learn, grow, and support each other in their journey towards success.

What do you think are the most important qualities or skills that women need to cultivate in order to pursue their dreams fearlessly?

I’d say self-belief or self confidence, you have to first believe in yourself and your abilities. Courage, resilience, self discipline, adaptability, empathy and trust in God.

How do you prioritize self-care and maintain your own well-being while supporting others in your community and profession?

One way I prioritize self-care is by incorporating regular practices into my daily routine that feed my physical, mental, and emotional health. I walk 4-5 times a week, for at least 30 minutes each day. I journal daily and I’m intentional about spending time with my husband and kids. These activities help me recharge my energy. I also try to eat as clean as possible 80% of the time.

In addition, I recognize the importance of setting boundaries and practicing self-compassion. And so, I strive to establish clear boundaries around my time and energy, ensuring that I have sufficient resources to meet my own needs before extending myself to others. This may involve saying ‘no’ to additional commitments when necessary or delegating tasks to others in order to preserve my well-being.

Lastly, what message or words of encouragement would you like to share with other women who may be hesitant to pursue their dreams or take risks in their lives?

You deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and to achieve everything you aspire to. Your dreams are valid, and I want you to know that you are capable of far more than you may realize. Pursuing your dreams and taking risks isn’t selfish. Remember, it’s not just about you. By pursuing your dreams, you not only fulfil your own potential but also inspire and positively impact those around you, including your family, children, and community.

You were created for a purpose, and your dreams are a reflection of that purpose. You have the power to make a positive impact, to leave a lasting legacy, and to create meaningful change in the world.

So, I encourage every woman to boldly pursue her dreams. Know that challenges may arise along the way, but each obstacle is an opportunity for growth. Believe in yourself, trust in your abilities, and never underestimate the power of your dreams. The world is waiting for you to shine your light brightly and to make your mark. You have everything it takes to succeed.

Tinuke’s story is a beacon of hope, reminding us of the strength that lies within each of us. Through her experiences, she inspires women to embrace their dreams, overcome obstacles, and create positive change in their lives. As we celebrate Tinuke’s journey, let us carry forward her message of empowerment, knowing that with courage and determination, anything is possible.

To connect with Tinuke and learn more about her work , find her Here and Here on Instagram.